How to Find a Mate

Lately I’ve been dwelling on the age old question asked by all single women of a certain age – “Where did I put my glasses”? Closely followed by, “How come a fantastic chick like me is still single”? After much consideration I’ve narrowed the answer down to several thousand, but my favourite is, “I never found anyone good enough”. Consequently I’ve been contemplating how to go about finding a mate. Here are the deliberations of an enthusiastic but unsuccessful mate-finder.

Firstly, you have to get out there; but where exactly? It is important to attend events that attract the type of person you are interested in. If you are attracted to handy men then I suggest DIY night classes; alternatively you could wait for them at any ‘Accident and Emergency’.

Secondly, what attributes should you seek in a possible mate? I think a pulse is always nice, although if you are marrying for money the weaker the better. Having established your prospective soul mate is alive I then look for commonality; the more you have in common the greater the chance of the relationship enduring. A young athletic toy boy might sound fun, but soon his demands will tire you out and interfere with your viewing of Downton Abbey. For some, career compatibility is of the utmost importance in a relationship. An animal rights activist might struggle with a butcher or a taxidermist for example.

Thirdly, be active in your search for a mate. A shrinking violet soon becomes a wall flower. Instead, if you’ll permit me to grow the botanic idioms, gild the lily and grasp the nettle! It may be a jungle out there, but don’t let the grass grow under your feet, you may be a late bloomer but by beating around the bush you’ll wither on the vine and be pushing up daisies in a single plot.

Some people compare finding a mate to shopping. I personally liken it to buying a car. I know nothing about the internal functioning of either, but then I don’t need to understand the internal combustion engine to have a pleasurable ride. Before you go down this road be clear about what you want; something sporty to get you there quickly or something more family orientated? Once you know what you are looking for take a few for a test drive, but not so many that you exhaust the lot. If you do take the car buying analogy to heart be sure to keep any country of origin or colour prejudices to yourself.

Finally how do you know when you’ve arrived at your destination and found your soul mate? I’d always thought it would be when both my mate and I were singing each other’s praises from the roof tops. Consequently this week I’m joining an a Capella singing group and getting roofing quotes. If that doesn’t work then it’s back to the car yard to see if I can’t pick up something sporty with no room for baggage.

Imminent Birthday

My birthday is fast approaching, and as it gets closer my thoughts focus increaasingly on some of the big questions: what have I done with my life in the past year, what does the year ahead hold, and finally, how old will I be anyway? The first question is easily answered by looking at last year’s diary; sadly the second is probably answered by looking at a 2013 diary that I have, as yet, no need for.

Like most people I do not particularly relish growing old; those lapses of memory, increased visits to the doctors, changes of shape etc. are not something that I look forward too.  However the alternative to aging is even less attractive, and let’s not forget there are benefits to growing old too. Accepting yourself for who you are and a sense of identity both seem to increase with age, as does your ability to push to the front of a queue and then pretend that you can’t hear the protests from behind. Also let’s not forget the advantage of no longer feeling embarrassed about a little bit of flatulence in public.

Lately I seem to have come across a lot of magazine articles about how to live longer. Perhaps I’ve been spending too much time in doctor’s waiting rooms. The advice is varied; oh there is the usual drink less, stop smoking, eat more fresh fruit and vegetables, and lose weight.  All very sage I’m sure, but not particularly inspiring. However there were some notable longevity pointers that were new to me. They included that I should be more optimistic, relaxed, wealthy, marry happily, and have more sex – I’m done for! Unless I meet a slightly younger, athletic, “relationship ready” and well off man. However it is hard to be optimistic as this has not happened in the however many years it is that I’ve been searching! I’ve long since abandoned ‘The Rules’ approach to trapping a man – they proved far more canny and elusive than that method suggested. I guess that I’ll just have to get myself in shape and keep getting out there. So in the next 12 months I’m going to eat well, drink less and exercise more. Maybe then I’ll meet my soul mate, or failing that, at least have some good sex. If neither of these happens you had better not get in front of me in the supermarket, or stand immediately behind me for that matter either.